Earlier in the week, I came across a Buzzfeed article titled, “28 Beautiful Words The English Language Should Steal”. I enjoyed it a lot, words for situations we don’t have words for in the English tongue. Of course, I had no idea how to pronounce some of those vocabulary but it was interesting nonetheless. Though there were a few that described me, it was post 9’s terminology that greatly appealed to me.
(v) to do something with soul, creativity, or love;
when you leave a piece of yourself in your work.”
I loved it so much that I considered using it in some kind of way for the official name of this blog. Obviously, it didn’t come to fruition but this entry is dedicated to it. Why? Because it’s exactly why this blog even exists in the whole.
I’m putting my all into the words that are coming together to form the sentences on here. I’m here in my work. Granted, I’ve lost a part of myself somewhere along the years … I’ve had 2 people tell me last week that I need to have faith in myself &/or believe in myself. My husband & a young woman who’s so close to me she’s practically my sister from another mother. Individuals who don’t know each other but who both know me very well. I know it’s true too. Somehow, somewhere along the way I lost my confidence, faith & just the essence of who I am.
It is something I am currently struggling with. To find it all again. To believe in myself. I haven’t quite mastered the right sequence of events to recapture it just yet nor do I know what order of events will enable me to do that. All I know is that a mix of anxiety, panic attacks & depression can really mess an individual up. Everyday is a constant battle. A fight against yourself. I think it might be the most difficult struggle a person can endure because it takes a toll in some way & form no matter what.
All of that evaporates though when I’m wrapped up doing something I’m passionate about. Meraki. Whether it’s creating an abstract drawing, getting swept up in a good book, watching a show/movie, or walking around Central Park & getting enthralled by nature … Life has its fascinations. Its moments of pure delight, amazement, escape. Indulging in a bite of food my husband makes, feeling the softness of my golden snuggled next to me, seeing gratitude in the eyes of another soul who can’t speak or communicate as easily as everyone else, or coming across a random photo that captured the proudness & pride on the face of a belated grandfather at his granddaughter’s college graduation. Off the top of my head, these are what comes to mind when I think about meraki. Writing is that just as well.
Perhaps through this project, I just might find all or some of what I lack & what I’ve had taken from me from life’s not-so-nice circumstances. I have hope that I might through writing these words & that’s a start since hope is something I lack most often than not. Where there’s hope, anything is possible, right? So hope is a good starting place. It paves the path for growth, positivity, possibilities, infinity.