I woke up today feeling like a bundle of nerves.
I made plans with my mother to meet up with her this morning & accompany her on errands. The problem was the fact that I was going to be driving her, alone, around in an insane city to the places she needed to get to. Me + Driving + My car (“Bloo”) = Problem.
Anyone who knows me any kind of well knows that driving makes me nervous. Yes, I drive the agency vehicle at work but rarely ever alone. I feel secured with an extra set of eyes whether it’s from another coworker, client, or even my golden. But being behind the wheel isn’t something I’m generally comfortable with. My husband does practically all the driving because he knows how neurotic I get about it. I’ve rarely driven Bloo & never volunteer to even if my husband is unwell because I still trust him more confidently than myself when it comes to road safety.
Despite all of this, I found myself making plans with my mother yesterday evening. I wanted to spend time with her. Even if it was a couple of hours, even if it meant accompanying her on her chores. I wanted that mommy & me time.
I woke up this morning at 8 (yes, that early on a weekend). Stomach in knots. Head with a slight ache. I had to be dressed & ready to meet her. I wasn’t even hungry. The thought of food made me sicker. I tried a cup of tea & couldn’t finish. I was that anxious. I asked my husband if he would walk me out. He more than likely knew all my symptoms had to do with the day’s adventure ahead of me & reassured me that if I felt unwell to pull over, call him & he would walk to me if he had to (it would’ve been quite a walk). To stay put if I couldn’t continue. His support calmed me a bit. I didn’t want him to have to come rescue me though. It’s his only day off. I wanted to be able to do this on my own. To drive my car. To spend time with my mom. To overcome my fear of driving my car, to get it done, & hopefully have it all done safely.
Long story short, it went well. Accident free thankfully though there were nuts on the road & traffic signals not working on busy roadways. But I managed to safely get my mom around, spend time with her, & get back home. My mother was proud too – her 1st time seeing me really drive on my own. My husband was proud when I got in. I didn’t need him & was able to do it on my own. It was nice knowing they all believed in me (even my golden) & that I had done it.
The drive itself isn’t a complicated one for someone who drives. It was local, nothing crazy. Just go out & do it because stuff has to be done (my husband’s motto, probably brother’s too). But for me, it was a major deal. Especially with my mom as my passenger. Her safety, life, & Bloo in my hands. On a holiday weekend. But I managed & survived. I feel proud of myself too. A personal achievement.
One must do what has to be done sometimes. & sometimes, a girl just wants to spend time with her mommy. Sometimes, a girl (no matter her age or status) just needs her mommy.