A “Shell-Shocked” World

Well, we have a new elected President of the US & the results seem to have shocked a lot of people.

I honestly don’t know what a Trump presidency means or will translate to at the end of 4 years but I kept telling myself, my husband & our golden: “We’ll be okay.” (I hope).

So some “facts” that (I feel) were obvious:

  • Trump earned his victory. He put in the work. He went out & campaigned. I wasn’t even aware of all he did & was surprised upon finding that out last night while watching. He didn’t just sit around & twiddle his thumbs on Twitter; he twiddled his thumbs & went out to get people behind him.
  • HRC got lazy. Maybe she was just overconfident that she was going up against an idiot or something. Who really knows? But if she had done things right, those flip states shouldn’t have happened. She was up against someone with absolutely NONE political experience vs. all of hers (direct & indirectly through her husband’s experience). She really should’ve performed better. This election shouldn’t have been so head-to-head.
    • She was legitimately TIED with a 3rd party candidate in a state (Utah, was it?) for a while then lost to that 3rd party candidate – how often does that happen?

Loads of people are tossing words around about sexism, racism. Perhaps sexism played a part in things – I’m aware of individuals who feel a woman cannot run a country because “women are too emotional” (personally, I’m biased being a woman & all but I don’t believe we’re all hormonal psychos. Oh well). There are also individuals who weren’t against a woman but just against this particular woman. There are scandals that she’s been a part of for years now but just continued to sweep under the rugs (hello – all we heard during the race were “emails” & “taxes”).

As for racism, & I’ve shared this much with my husband (the poor soul is distraught with the results though he was never a HRC supporter), I’m not sure it’s all about that. I guess I refuse to believe that my country is filled with so MUCH nastiness in the minds of individuals walking around. Instead, I’m telling myself that it’s more about the country being ready for a change. The majority of the people has elected someone into Office with ZERO political experience. Aren’t we all tired of false, broken, empty words of promises from those with political experience? So it’s not really far-fetched that people opted for someone out of the blue to see what the heck he ends up doing once in office (Do any of us remember Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming Governor of Cali? Um, he couldn’t even properly pronounce “California”).

I am curious about Trump’s presidency. A small bit of me is anxiously concerned with the possibility of being deported to who knows where but my husband was sweet & comforting (through his moody blues) to reassure me that I was born here so I’ll be okay & if push comes to shove, he’ll “fight with me” – Awwwwwwww!

Seriously though, I’m curious to see the direction he takes the country in. I’m curious to see what he does in regards to our relationship with the rest of the world (the stock market is suffering some major hits) as well as what he does for us as a country in the whole. I do agree with a lot of his ideas (like focusing on us as a country instead of tinkering everywhere in the world, etc.) I’m curious to see what he’ll make of the social services of our nation too as well as some other things.

Wall or no wall?

 

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The Rigged Game [of Employment]

Why is it so darn hard to find a job these days? Is it just me? No, it’s not because I’m acquainted with close friends & coworkers who are actively seeking jobs & have been for a while to nothing but dead ends.

I’m frustrated, yes. Cost of living in every aspect of life keeps increasing but my paycheck has not. Bills, from rent to gas, keeps up with their prompt arrivals but my paycheck cannot.

Since this year has started, I’ve been committed to sending out resumes & doing online job applications, even crafting tedious cover letters & its all gone to either complete nothingness or automated rejection. When I do hear back, it’s in line with what I’m currently doing but less pay. Even 0.25ct less a start sadly makes a big difference on a bi-weekly paycheck.

I find it disgusting that jobs in the nonprofit sector piles up the duties & responsibilities on the workers but can’t ever deliver on promises of raises & growth. So much is expected of me in my current position but if I dare go over a 40hr work week by even a minute, everyone is breathing down my neck. Like heck, it doesn’t even equate a full extra dollar! Yet, management of the same nonprofit can drive BMWs, etc. What am I doing wrong?

Jobs, even entry-levels, want certifications (that no one truly cares about) or “experienced individuals” (3+ years of experience) or language requirements – wtf for?! At the end of the day, whenever someone starts a brand-new job someone of the company always shows them some basic ropes. Some kind of training is almost always provided. Hire anyone serious about the position & the slot will be filled by someone great & efficient once the basic training is down. Just invest in someone (who applied properly)! They took the time to fill out insanely long applications of repetitive questions, attach a resume & even a letter of interest sometimes. Why not just do even a phone interview?

It’s annoying that to obtain a job nowadays you need to know someone who knows someone, etc. to get a foot in the door. Job postings are a waste of time then because if random Tom, Dick, or Harry knows the right person (or knows someone who knows the right person), he has an IN whereas Jake, who has the degree & exact or similar experience just did the online app (you know, he followed the so-called proper routine of doing things in this test of life we’re all part of) & got filed away to who knows where.

Infuriating.

Those Little Wonders

Do you remember the first time you saw &/or felt rain? How about with snow? Or, the sun rising in the early hours of a quiet, peaceful morning? Or, the vibrant, wondrous colors of a sunset?

I don’t remember the answers to these questions myself but found myself thinking about it as I looked up at the window one day & saw raindrops rapidly running down the glass. I found myself wondering what it must be like to witness or feel raindrops for the first time in someone’s life, or even my own. Was I scared? Was I amazed? Random drops of water, sometimes lightly or sometimes heavily, just falling from the sky … Did my first experience happen with me inside a house looking at it & someone telling me it’s called “rain”? Was I afraid to walk out into it & feel it on my skin? Or, was I just walking about one day & a drizzle happened?

While thinking of all of this, I found my thoughts zooming in on my golden child, Lucy. A few days ago, she was so alert upon hearing a truck rumbling down the road & then later on in the night, she saw headlights from the neighbor’s yard & came hurrying to my side with her tail down, seemingly scared. She’s about a year & a half, & easily scared for reasons neither my husband nor myself can explain logically. My only thought is that perhaps it’s the first time in her life she’s witnessing certain things in certain situational contexts. Anyway, it’s while thinking about her & her reaction that I found myself wondering how certain things might feel & appear to her. Hearing thunder or seeing lightning streak across the sky for the first time in her life … was it exciting or frightening? Amazement or terror?

One thing I know is that I love the fact that she can run to either my side or my husband’s for protection. That she trusts us & feels safe with us. The sincerity in her actions & eyes, her innocence … it’s something that isn’t around much especially in adults anymore. We grow up thinking we know everything, afraid to admit we don’t know something & can’t be wrong. Why? Life is a really long thing, taken day by day, so learning new things & accepting the unknown shouldn’t be something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. When & how did so many of us turn into know-it-alls upon growing up & lost our childlike innocence? Not just the innocence, but the wonder & curiosity of finding beauty & inspiration in life? We can blame it on our jobs & bills & lack of money & resources (I have & still do) but I think the only certainty I’ve come to through writing this is that upon growing up, our excuses to be miserable & unhappy just got more lengthy & creative. The bills & miseries will always be there. But the beauty & adventures that come & go with the seasons won’t always be guaranteed to us.

Summer Madness

You know it’s summer when
You’re drenched in sweat
& that random breeze is salvation,
& the air is perfumed
With the sweet, mouth-watering BBQ aroma,
& the dresses get shorter,
& the days get longer,
& you’re straddling the fine line
Between a heat stroke or hypothermia
From walking outdoor & then returning inside.

People are generally happier
With plans for the weekend
& sights to visit.
Flip side –
Road rage spikes
& accidents increase
With more people out
Rushing about
Carefree & reckless.

Sunglasses creating mystery
Beach bod: ON
With beaches packed
Good times had by all.

Random, thunderous storms
Lightning & rainbows streaking the skies
Humidity still on high.
Oh, what fun.
Summer time fun.
————————————

Did I miss anything?
Then, drop a line.
Can you make it rhyme? 😀

Caked Out.

First off, my apologies for not writing last week. I had a topic in mind, drafted up a couple of drafts but did not end up publishing because I honestly didn’t feel it was my best work. Everything I’ve put up thus far has had my stamp of satisfaction & I would like to keep it that way. I went back to revise the drafts & due to other ongoing events found that my heart wasn’t into it. I just couldn’t put any of it up knowing it wasn’t my best.

Anyway, so originally I had another idea in mind but after just attempting to exercise after almost 2 months of barely doing a squat, this is developing.

Disappointing newsflash: I am so out of shape!!

I just tried doing a 30min cardio routine for the midsection area because well, the inside hooks on my pants are digging into my stomach due to the prominent roundness of it. Very uncomfortable. I know I haven’t done a full workout routine in a while, but figured I could get through a low intensity session. Well, I can’t. I was sweating & pooped out after 9mins! Not even 10 but 9! I took a break, lost a PVP Marvel game battle, & went back to the cardio routine. Managed to get in another 45sec & here I am writing this.

I can’t believe how fast I became so out of shape after a few consistent months of trying & working out. I was doing so good, I was on a daily basis of getting some sort of routine done. Those close to me noticed that I was looking better – healthier. & that’s when I crumpled. For a few compliments & had more cake & cookies & frosting straight from the container! I used to NEVER eat frosting unless it was on a piece of cake … & there I was, spooning it straight from the container & into my food-loving mouth. Shame.

It was all bound to catch up to me. I just didn’t expect it to be so rapid. Shame.

Shame.

Yes, the “shame woman” from the recent Game of Thrones season is playing in my head. Ringing her bell at the roundness of my stomach area with her stern face & simply repeating, “Shame” at my current state of physique.

So much for dreams of modeling.

Pooey 😦

A Darwinian Reality

Feelings, I think, are universal. It’s the depth, intensity, action & reaction that varies from person to person.

Recent goings-on from  police brutality against (un)armed civilians to outrage & violence against police, terrorism, guns, America’s presidential race … a lot of feelings are being triggered in people ranging all over the emotion spectrum. I woke up Friday morning from a migraine/headache attack to feeds of chaos & found myself wondering if my family & friends were okay, & whether it was safe to even take golden girl Lucy outside. People who have kids were wondering what kind of world it is that their babies are growing up in/to. Others were thankful they don’t have kids because of all the turmoil we seem to be confronted with on an everyday basis. It seemed apocalyptic. I considered just going right back to sleep & redoing the whole waking up thing a few hours later to see what angle the world would be spinning from then.

Besides the horrors that are constantly in rotation on the news channels, there’s the daily individual struggles we’re all dealing with intimately. Finances, cost of living (groceries, gas, etc), housing, jobs, relationships, deaths … if it’s not one thing, it’s the other but there’s always something to stress us out. Body image, diet, exercise. No matter where one looks, there’s always a finger being pointed & someone getting offended.

I suppose after a while it becomes easy to go about our lives in such a world. The tragic things, as long as we’re not personally affected, becomes the norm & we keep on keeping on. After a while, you’re not even surprised anymore & that’s the ultimately tragic part of it all. Whether the passive mind-your-own-business route is taken or the let’s-do-something-about-this road is traveled, in the end it’s all about survival, or going up in glory & letting your name be known. But the world keeps on turning, facts get changed, forgotten, twisted, or sometimes completely erased.

It’s really about survival of the fittest & keep on keeping on. Lovely little words strung together to sum up life.

As for my part, I haven’t figured out my grand scale purpose of existing yet but right now, I’m curious about the new Pokemon GO that’s taking (a portion of) the world by storm. It’s a distraction & though it has its pros & cons in my opinion, it’s the least controversial bandwagon to get on in my books at the moment. Who doesn’t want to “be the very best, like no one ever was” Pokemon trainer?  Virtual reality at its best!

 

Baby Steps

I woke up today feeling like a bundle of nerves.

I made plans with my mother to meet up with her this morning & accompany her on errands. The problem was the fact that I was going to be driving her, alone, around in an insane city to the places she needed to get to. Me + Driving + My car (“Bloo”) = Problem.

Anyone who knows me any kind of well knows that driving makes me nervous. Yes, I drive the agency vehicle at work but rarely ever alone. I feel secured with an extra set of eyes whether it’s from another coworker, client, or even my golden. But being behind the wheel isn’t something I’m generally comfortable with. My husband does practically all the driving because he knows how neurotic I get about it. I’ve rarely driven Bloo & never volunteer to even if my husband is unwell because I still trust him more confidently than myself when it comes to road safety.

Despite all of this, I found myself making plans with my mother yesterday evening. I wanted to spend time with her. Even if it was a couple of hours, even if it meant accompanying her on her chores. I wanted that mommy & me time.

I woke up this morning at 8 (yes, that early on a weekend). Stomach in knots. Head with a slight ache. I had to be dressed & ready to meet her. I wasn’t even hungry. The thought of food made me sicker. I tried a cup of tea & couldn’t finish. I was that anxious. I asked my husband if he would walk me out. He more than likely knew all my symptoms had to do with the day’s adventure ahead of me & reassured me that if I felt unwell to pull over, call him & he would walk to me if he had to (it would’ve been quite a walk). To stay put if I couldn’t continue. His support calmed me a bit. I didn’t want him to have to come rescue me though. It’s his only day off. I wanted to be able to do this on my own. To drive my car. To spend time with my mom. To overcome my fear of driving my car, to get it done, & hopefully have it all done safely.

Long story short, it went well. Accident free thankfully though there were nuts on the road & traffic signals not working on busy roadways. But I managed to safely get my mom around, spend time with her, & get back home. My mother was proud too – her 1st time seeing me really drive on my own. My husband was proud when I got in. I didn’t need him & was able to do it on my own. It was nice knowing they all believed in me (even my golden) & that I had done it.

The drive itself isn’t a complicated one for someone who drives. It was local, nothing crazy. Just go out & do it because stuff has to be done (my husband’s motto, probably brother’s too). But for me, it was a major deal. Especially with my mom as my passenger. Her safety, life, & Bloo in my hands. On a holiday weekend. But I managed & survived. I feel proud of myself too. A personal achievement.

One must do what has to be done sometimes. & sometimes, a girl just wants to spend time with her mommy. Sometimes, a girl (no matter her age or status) just needs her mommy.

Apologies & Congratulations.

So first off, I’m sorry for the late post. Though I’m not sick, I’ve been feeling under the weather recently. Tired. Exhausted. Washed out. Drained.

I didn’t really have a topic in mind to write of but then figured I could just write a general post.

Right now, I’m missing the bridal party for the most sweetest, supportive young lady I’ve been blessed with having in my life for more years than I can recall this second. I’m sincerely sorry to her. My husband couldn’t get off from work, though he tried, & life’s circumstances have me very distracted, possibly even stressed. But I wish her the best, hope she’s having the best time ever right now that my absence isn’t even noticeable. She deserves it.

Thursday, I had a nice time at the 8th grade graduation ceremony of my 2 cousins. I don’t even think of them as cousins but like a younger brother & sister. I’m glad I was able to be present for them & even though I’m still freaked out at nights after watching “The Conjuring” with them, I enjoyed sharing time with them immensely. Thankful that my husband & Lucy was able to be part of their day too. It was a nice time in a while that I’ve experienced.

I could go on, but my mood just hasn’t been engaging all day. Thanks to everyone who’ll read this & the continued support in this writing journey. I am truly appreciative.

-HP

Waiting Game [of Life]

We spend most of our life waiting, in some way or form.
Examples include:

  • That ride to arrive
  • Getting to our destination
  • Standing in lines of some sort (pay a bill, use the restroom)
  • That work meeting to begin/end
  • To clock in/out
  • Water to boil
  • Paint (or nail polish) to dry
  • Text to send/arrive
  • Waiter to bring us our food (longest wait ever!)
  • Movie/TV show/book to come out
  • Energies in games to refill
  • Traffic light to turn green (or “walk”)
  • Another person’s approval/acknowledgement
  • Karma to kick in
  • “+” or “-” of that pregnancy test
  • Package to arrive in the mail
  • A miracle/cure/happiness/dreams to come true
  • Weekend (my favorite)
  • Adventure
  • Action.

Some of us are productive, choosing to fill those periods of wait with activities: reading, doing a crossword, writing, music, over-thinking, selfies, minding other people’s business, eating, sleeping, sightseeing, blinking, breathing.

In the end though, we’re always waiting. Losing valuable seconds, minutes, hours of our life that we’ll never get back. Yet, we’re the best at complaining to whoever listens that we never have the time because we’re oh-so-busy & just always on the go.
Laughable, don’t you think?

What do you find yourself waiting for or sick & tired of waiting for?